The Death of Mary sue
by CreativeSprite
Summary: Mary Sue dies the horrible death she deserves
1. The death of the sue

A/N; The hunter isn't a self insert, just a sadistic/assasin type character that's been floating around in my head lately

Princess Starr Amber Autumn Annabelle Meriwether Jones brushed her long cascading curls. Her glorious locks shone like shiny gold in the bright shiny sunlight and cascaded down to her knees like a shiny glorious waterfall. Her Hypnotic and Luminous Violet eyes© sparkled with happiness as she finished dressing. Oh what a dress! It was bright pink with many ruffles and ribbons and ruffles and bows and ruffles and sparkles and ruffles and sequence and ruffles and bows and ruffles and beads and ruffles and sparkles and ruffles and ribbons and ruffles and jewels and many many ruffles. It went down to the floor and it was wonder she could walk in it, let alone trek all over Middle Earth in such an outfit, but that was the awesome power of Princess Starr.

She heard a knock on her door.

"Come in!" Her captivating voice tinkled like a bell. She had won many hearts with her voice, anyone who heard her sing fell in love with her instantly. Oh it was her fiancée Prince Legolas! Her one true love!

"My one true love!" he strong purposely into the room and took her into his arms. "Oh how I bless the day you found that necklace in the woods and travelled here to middle earth!"

"Yes my love, If I had not come here I would never have found out that I am the long lost sister of Arwen and princess of Rivendell!"

"Do you not miss your old world?" he asked.

A pure crystal tear ran down her check.

"They were so cruel to me there," she cried. "They yelled at me and called me name because I was different and..." Princess Starr Amber Autumn Annabelle Meriwether Jones paused to sniffle. "Made me do homework!"

"Oh the horror!" her future husband cried. "Forgive me love, I did not mean to make you remember such horror! Oh tell me how I can make it up to you?"

"You truly love me?" She asked staring into his dreamy eyes.

"Yes love, I knew from the moment I first saw you. Even though we have only known each other three days this can be nothing but true love!"

"Kiss me," she cooed. "Kiss me my love."

She leaned in to kiss him then there was a blinding light.

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She woke up with a dizzy sensation in her head.

"Ooooh..."

Her Hypnotic and Luminous Violet eyes© fluttered open and she realised she was tied upside down over a pit of lava!

A finger was waving near her face.

"Wakey wakey sunshine," a voice cooed. She had trouble seeing but from her position she could tell it was a woman with long brown hair and wearing some kind of leather armour with a sword at her waist. Her sword! It was pure gold a covered in jewels, never mind that such a weapon would be useless in battle and probably stolen, it would work anyway.

Such was the power of Princess Starr.

"Give me back my sword!" Princess Starr Amber Autumn Annabelle Meriwether Jones commanded.

"Nah, I think I'll keep it," the strange woman laughed and twirled the sword around. "Maybe I'll kill you with it, or donate it to the homless or something."

Princess Starr sniffled. No! Not that! She couldn't bear the thought of the filthy hobos getting their hands on it! Never mind Princess Starr claimed to be the most compassionate person ever, if it wasn't pretty it was useless to her.

"What did you call it?" The Stanger asked.

"Ainuyaxë," Starr said proudly. "It means princess of battle."

"No it doesn't," Her captor told her. "It means holy cow."

"You cannot defeat me! You're not even pretty!"

"Minor details," her kidnapper waved a hand dismissively.

"Who are you fiend?" She commanded. "You will not get away with this, my true love will save me!"

"Bite me," the woman replied. "Plus he's not saving you."

The strange figure pulled a lever and Princess Starr Amber Autumn Annabelle Meriwether Jones fell into the lava. Her Luminous Violet eyes© would never again glaze into the eyes of her beloved, her oh so shiny hair disintegrated and her dress with its many ruffles and ribbons and ruffles and bows and ruffles and sparkles and ruffles and sequence and ruffles and bows and ruffles and beads and ruffles and sparkles and ruffles and ribbons and ruffles and jewels and many many ruffles became nothing as she was burned alive.

"That'll teach her," the saviour of sanity...*ahem* I mean, foul murderer muttered.

"I thank you most dearly," Prince Legolas thanked his rescuer. "If there's any way I can repay you..."

The Mary sue hunter waved her hand modestly. "It was my pleasure. Down the hall, first door on your right, it should take you home."

The hunter sat down and looked at her computer screen with a smirk. It was time to choose a new victim.

A/N; The hunter isn't a self insert, just a sadistic/assasin type character that's been floating around in my head lately. My best friend told me the description of the dress made her brain melt and my brain was ready to strangle itself in a mercy killing :)

review please?


	2. The hunter gains a sidekick

The hunter gains an apprentice

"Agent Arganough, come in Agent Arganough."

Agent Arganough answered with a sigh. "By the book aren't we Kay, how many times so I have to ask you to call me Alex?"

"Are you flirting with me Agent Arganough?"

"Maybe," she said in a playful tone. "You're a handsome man Kay." That was the good thing about being twenty five, despite what the sues seemed to think, there just wasn't anything sexy about a sixteen year old.

"Careful Alex, or you're going to get me in trouble. What is your status?"

"The Sue's dead Kay, I pushed her into Mount Doom. Once the Prince got out of the trance he was very grateful."

"Nice work, his highness could be a useful contact if we ever need to come back."

"If?" Alex asked. "You _know _they'll be back."

"True, you should return to base the boss has another assignment for you."

"I did a quick scan and I found a few more targets in the area."

"We can send other agents after them, the boss is asking for you specifically."

"Great," she closed her laptop. "That means it must be demons or something."

"Well the Winchester brothers _have_ had a hard time with Sues lately but that's not what this is about."

"Okay, _now_ I'm curious. Beam me up Scotty."

A glowing portal stepped appeared and she stepped through.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She arrived back at headquarters. The Mary Sue Slayer headquarters was located in its own dimension, and therefore wasn't in any particular world. She found Kay sitting in a room full of computer screen.

"Alright Agent Jenson, good luck," he spoke into his headset then hung up.

"Agent Jenson?" Alex asked. "Are you sure he's ready?"

"He might be a rookie but he knows his stuff," Agent Kay was a tall African-British man with a shaved head. He didn't have to turn his chair to know who it was, the good thing about his job was that he spent so much time talking to people over the phone he knew everyone's voices better than he knew their faces.

"What have you got for me Kay?"

"I have a special assignment for you," this time the voice was coming from behind her. She turned to face her boss, Agent Macintyre, a man she simply called "Mac". He was a balding man in his fifties with a long grey moustache that reminded her of a walrus's tusks.

"Protocol has changed Arganough."

"So what have the powers-that-be decided now?"

"No hunter is allowed to go into a world alone, we usually send people in pairs but now they've made it official. So we're going to be assigning you a partner and don't argue with me Arganough."

"Okay, so who are you sending me with?"

"Toby!" he called and a small blond boy appeared at his side. He couldn't have been older than fifteen. _What does he think he's doing sending a teenage boy after those things?_

"You're giving me a rookie?" she asked outraged.

"Yes, you are getting an apprentice. Usually a trainee is assigned to a pair to teach him the ropes but we're over loaded this year and you've never been given one before so it's about time."

_Son of a bitch._ The last thing she needed was a kid that was going to get in the way or slow her down.

"And there's more. They've decided that we have to do something about the animal companions the Sues have. Too many good hunters have been killed because they forgot about the pet tiger or the unicorn."

"So we're being given animals of our own?" Alex asked reluctantly. She'd never liked animals, she was never any good with them.

"Yes, but animals that are pretty commonplace like dogs, cats and birds. Animals that can stay with you no matter what world you're in. You know we can't introduce a species into a universe if it doesn't exist."

"Yes, that's why you keep turning me into a human even though I was born a vampire," Alex said bored. Thank god for the transformation technology or she would even be able to go into half the worlds she was assigned to. Toby looked at her nervously, humans always reacted like that.

Mac nodded. "Follow me."

He led her to the kennels. "Choose carefully, you won't be able to change your mind later." Then Mac looked at Toby. "Watch carefully boy, it'll be your turn to choose soon enough."

Alex inspected them carefully and chose a black hound.

"He'll do."

"Good choice Arganough."

Mac took Alex through the armoury and gave her various gadgets, clothes and weaponry.

"So, what's my next assignment?"

A/N So where should I send Alex next? Suggestions of any particular sue or fandom would be welcome (etc 'Jack Sparrow's daughter' in Pirates or "harry potter's sister" at Hogwarts


	3. You want to send me WHERE?

"_Hogwarts?"_ Alex shrieked.

"You got a problem with that?" Mac asked glaring.

"No. So what's our cover, and I applying to be a teacher or what?"

"No, we think it might be better if you were to mix in amongst the students. As a teacher you would be too noticeable, but a student could wonder around the school without getting noticed or anyone asking any questions."

"Goddam it!" Alex snapped. "I don't want to be a teenager!"

Mac and Toby raised their eyebrows.

"Seriously, the pimples and the hormones and teenage guys are just obnoxious!"

Mac laughed. "Don't complain Arganough. Anyway, who says you don't have hormones?"

Alex glared at him.

"Yes, we all heard the rumours about you and Agent Pitrofski."

Alex crossed her arms and glared some more.

"_God_, you have a little casual sex around here and people refuse to drop it."

"Don't worry Arganough, the agency doesn't have a policy on relations with fellow agents, why there was this hot young thing once..."

"Ew!" Alex clapped her hands over her ears. "I mean seriously Mac, you're like my father, I don't want to hear this!"

"There's nothing wrong about it Alex," Mac grinned. "When were in the throes of passion and our naked bodies were entwined....'

"Okay! Okay! I'll _go_ already, geez!"

Kay laughed as Alex stormed off.

"That certainly got her moving."

"These agents are like my children, Kay." Mac lit up a cigar as Toby and the black hound raced after her. "I know them better than they know themselves, and Alex is quite a lady."

Kay watched Alex on the view monitors as she approached the technician who would change her into a sixteen year old girl.

"That she is."

A/N: I've now uploaded the sequal, The death of Mary Sue: Hogwarts edition. Where Alex and Toby kill all those pesky "Harry's sister" and "American exchange student" sues


	4. Review Reply Dear Sheryl

Sheryl: It's true some hunters become sues themselves but not all. Alex has a flaw in that she can be quite sadistic, it's not enough for her to just shoot a sue when she can tie her up and torture her first. She's also bad in relationships, she can get guys but she can't keep them because they lose interest when they realise what she's really like. To give you a clue, Alex was originally a character I had for a story about a serial killer so that should give you a hint about her personality.

Toby has flaws in that he's impatient and thinks he knows what's best, and doesn't appreciate Alex protecting him because he thinks he doesn't need it. In the end he doesn't realise that he's still practically a kid.

And if that wasn't enough I ran Alex and Toby through the Mary sue litmus test and they both passed.

People don't like Mary Sues because they're unrealistic. These days people want to read about realistic characters, not perfect demi-gods. That's why Spider-Man has become more popular than Superman because he's more relatable to the readers. It's also why Breaking Dawn (latest book in the twilight series by Stephanie Myer) got such bad reviews because Bella lost all her flaws once she became a vampire and stopped being relatable to the readers. Relatability is what people want these days, not perfection. There are people who enjoy Mary sues (and if that's their thing it's not my place to judge, it's the sues themselves rather than the readers and writers that I don't like) but overall people don't like them for more reasons than just being overdone.

Apollo Night has been writing a story about some Mary Sue hunters and they aren't sues because she's smart and a good writer and gave them flaws. Not only are they flawed but it's the kind of flaws you never see in Mary sues, so I don't see her hunters becoming sues any time at all.

I think you have a very cynical way of looking at things when it comes to looks and love, but I can understand your view if you've had some bad experience with relationships.

I've seen some very unattractive people have good relationships, and if everyone went after the pretty people the whole human species would have died out a very long time ago, because only a tiny fraction of the human population is what you'd call "perfect" and even those people have flaws.

I saw an article in a magazine about a woman who had a severe deformity and she got married because her husband admired her courage. I'm not shallow, I don't care what a guy looks like because the way I see it we all get wrinkly anyway. Looks don't last but personality does and that's one of the reasons I believe personality to be more important, and I think it's unfair to lump all guys into the "shallow dickhead" pile because of a few arsehole. Looks are the reason people want to have sex with each other, personality is the reason we fall in love.

The best piece of advice I ever got was from a woman in her forties in my TAFE class. She said her husband told her "guys have sex with blondes but they marry brunettes." When it comes to serious relationships, people look for someone they can take seriously. People want marry a person, not a doll.

But this is just one person's opinion. Good luck to you.

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And because I'm not allowed to post chapters that are just made up of authors notes;

Alex and Toby sat down and started playing a game of chess.

Then they got sick of it and went for a walk around New York city and met spider-man. Alex was like "yo" and he was like "Hey, I was attacked by a Mary sue, I tied her up with my webbing." And they found the tied up sue who was like "mwmwmw" sounding like Kenny from South park because there was webbing on her mouth. And so Toby and Alex stabbed her to death and blew her up with a pumpkin bomb to make sure she wouldn't come back to life, and their dog peed on the ashes.

The End.


End file.
